The birth of my blog

Uncategorized

When I first started this blog… It was really difficult for me to think of topics. I assumed I had to fit the cookie cutter image of mommy blogs, because being a mommy is so important to me, but that just isn’t for me. I have so much to say that really isn’t relevant to that particular topic… Yes being a mom takes up most of my day but so does being a student, a barista, and a daughter. And while interacting with my family, friends, and coworkers various topics come up. They are usually things that come a little easier to me and that I’m equally passionate about. Like politics and sociology. I like to know how the people of the world interact with each other and why… What makes one particular group feel so strongly about a particular topic? That’s the only way I can truly articulate myself and my feelings about issues of today’s growing world. I don’t find other social networks to be appropriate venues for what I have to say, not because I want remain anonymous in anyway… (Which obviously isn’t the case because I use my name here) but because I have found Facebook and Twitter to be populated by the group of people I find particularly annoying. Uneducated know it Alls. People that strongly believe in things they haven’t researched, or they haven’t even thoroughly grasped the concept of what they think they believe in. Or internet thugs and bullies, the kind of people that attack what they don’t understand. I have found WordPress to be an more open minded universe made for people who think and move like me…. Here I can say what I need to say instead of walking around with all these thoughts pounding in my head.

The girl I used to be.

Uncategorized

So I’m currently watching Scrubs. And Carla tells Turk that she had made so many mistakes before him but now that they were together he had erased all her previous mistakes. It’s all totally relatable I promise.
Robinson (my boyfriend) has been gone for four days now, and that has given me enough time to settle into my thoughts and remind myself what life used to be like. Life before him, before Micah, and the Army.
Reminiscing about those times are almost haunting because it was those times that brought me to the decision to join the army. They were so dark and miserable that I had to make a drastic change.
I was lonely and empty and still trying to figure out who I was. It was a constant struggle between who I knew I was and the person I thought I should be. In my mind I was this artistic and philosophical individual. I thought I was experiencing life to it’s fullest. When in reality I was dealing with my parents divorce and my warped view on relationships. I found myself defining myself by one shitty relationship after another, then finding myself more broken and confused than before.
I soon began to deal with substance abuse, I was simply trying to numb the pain in whatever way possible. I would find myself in a drunken rage or riding a sullen high state lost in thought. And when I wasn’t dulling the pain I was running from it. Getting on the highway at the drop of a dime… Just to do more of whatever I had been doing to get by at home.
The series of events that occurred after were the most life changing events ever…. And exactly what I needed to change my selfish point of view and change what I hated about myself, because essentially I hated myself. That’s why I did everything I could to punish myself.
Joining the Army made me learn to deal with my feelings and be alone with my thoughts. I could now see myself as part of a bigger picture. Then my baptism…. Something I had been waiting a long time to do but the time never seemed appropriate because I was never truly ready to change. But that was my opportunity to start on a clean slate and rededicate my life to Christ in order to become the woman of God that I imagined I would be.
Then Micah, the most life changing event of all. He gave my life real meaning and purpose. He showed me what unconditional and undeserving love really is. He made me realize I had never really experienced love before him, which made it so much easier to recognize when I fell in love with Robinson.

Free the Nip

Women's Health

I find it particularly easy to write about things I feel strongly about. Which makes perfect sense because clearly you should have a lot to say about those topics.
One topic that I feel strongly about is breast feeding, public breast feeding to be more precise. For some odd reason such a natural act comes with a lot of stigma.
A few months ago the following picture went viral:

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Although I don’t see the offense in the picture a lot of people did!

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I was completely shocked by the lack of empathy and support. Especially from our black female demographics. Why is it that we are so quickly to tear each other apart as women or black people? When we are two minorities most often oppressed? And why would society be offended by something as natural as breastfeeding? Yet praise sexualized artist such as Nicki Minaj and even the everyday woman dressed provocatively. I could get into our trained way misogynistic thinking or patriarchy but that would take way too long for this post.
I can admit that I’m a little more modest than a majority of my peers but I wouldn’t bat an eyelash at another woman feeding her child! Other women tend to feel offended because they’ve been brainwashed by there male counterparts and years of upbringing that the breast are only to be viewed in a sexual matter. (And if you see a woman feeding her child and you think of sex, you have bigger problems.) we are the only mammals that feel any hesitance about feeding our babies.
My breast aren’t for men to ogle or women to judge but for my children to eat and gain nutrients. In many countries the average age of weaning is four! But here in America women are afraid to breastfeed at all. Black women have the lowest amount of breast feeding mothers, is it because of the lack of support in the community? Children who breastfeed also typically have higher IQ’s, could this possibly contribute to our lacking in the classroom? Why don’t we stop bashing each other and start supporting one another.
No one should feel ashamed of publicly feeding there child no matter the place or time. It’s always an appropriate time for baby to eat with or without a cover.
Respect your fellow women and encourage her Breastfeeding by making her feel comfortable. No matter how natural breastfeeding is it’s never an easy feat.

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United We Stand

Uncategorized

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On August 27th I lost a battle buddy. Although we weren’t very close it still hurt. It’s like losing a piece of your family because that’s essentially what we became due to our small MOS. His death was undetermined and is currently under investigation. He was stationed at fort bragg here in my hometown and I’ve yet to hear any details. His funeral was held on Friday and I know it must have been difficult for his family to bury there child without any answers.
Last night as I searched the internet for any updates about the investigation and I came across a Westboro church newsletter. I was completely disgusted by what I read. I understand freedom of speech and everyone has there own views on spirituality and religion, but how can you say the people that defend you are going to be condemned to hell. My battle Buddy PFC Cuffee had been featured in a “list of the damned”.
They believe that because Gay people are gaining equal rights in the United States we must suffer by soldiers dying here and on foreign soil. These are the same geniuses that were protesting at soldiers funerals by the way. In the newsletter they encouraged people to respectfully protest the funerals of the nine soldiers listed and gave the hometowns of each. How can you “respectfully” protest someone’s funeral?
I guess I had forgotten that no matter what sacrifices you make for your country there will always be people that hate you, even if you volunteer to give the ultimate sacrifice in order for them to have the right to display this blasphemous behavior. There will always be people who hate us no matter what we are willing to give even if it is our lives.
So no matter what you believe in please take a moment in silence (whether you choose to pray or not) and think of my brother in arms, and all those other fallen soldiers who have given the ultimate sacrifice in order for us to have basic rights such as freedom of speech.

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Things I want to tell you as a barista, fellow mommy, and health nut.

Women's Health

But I can’t unfortunately, because it reduces sales at work. But I can educate you guys here!
As a breastfeeding mommy I need to take certain precautions, some of which I haven’t adhered to. They are pretty similar to the ones you had while pregnant such as monitoring your caffeine intake. Caffeine like alcohol passes through your blood stream and is present in your breast milk. So when you become addicted your baby does too. Unfortunately I learned this lesson a tad too late, so my precious child and I both had to suffer this week after I kicked the caffeine habit. I felt sluggish, suffered from a headache and cold like symptoms all week. Those are withdrawal symptoms, because caffeine is in fact a drug. It has has side effects similar to coke and meth. So if I felt terrible imagine how Micah felt! He was a miserable little soul, and cranky! But there was nothing I could do I had inadvertently caused him this pain. So please take this into consideration fellow breastfeeders when getting your daily caffeine fix.
My next point about caffeine intake is for future mommies! Caffeine effects your fertility!!! So if you’re planning to get pregnant in the next six months to a year you should cut back significantly and try natural methods for that energy boost(I’ll talk about that in another blog). If you just enjoy the flavor try decaf coffee or espresso shots.
Expecting moms, I know you don’t want to cut out caffeine all together. There is a recommended daily dosage if you have to have it, but keep in mind that an excessive amount can cause birth defects!
So please be mindful and considerate of our little ones. They depend on us for everything and we have to be healthy for them!
*next time I’ll touch on artificial sweeteners!

Raising a young black man…

Poetry, Social Justice

After the reactions in ferguson, mo I noticed a lot of people (primarily those who lack skin pigmentation) commented about how they were afraid to leave there homes or send there children out to play.
Welcome to the life I have to lead for the rest of my life and my sons life. I have to wonder in the back of my mind if today is the day someone will decide they don’t like the color of his skin. Or they have the right to mistreat him or even harm him based on his race.
Why? Because he was born black. Not the white washed, slightly tanned skinned, with pretty eyes and curly hair that people are comfortable with. But deep mahogany skin, bronze skin tinged with a little red and deep dark eyes like his mama. Skin dark and beautiful enough to make you feel inferior and offended.
The color of his skin alone is enough to make people feel like he isn’t worth as much as the next person. And for some extremist it’s enough to make them feel like they are entitled enough to take his life.
Because he was born black, I have to teach my baby he has to work twice as hard as the next person. He has an automatic set back due to white privilege. My child was set up for failure at birth because of the color of his skin and the lack of a father figure (thanks again for setting your child up for success) thankfully he has a strong black mother to educate him and teach him what he needs to know to be successful and explain the harsh realities of the life he will live. As well as a grandfather and my boyfriend who love as much as a father could and more to teach him what he needs to know as a young black man in America.
His history will never be white washed and we will never allow him to live in fear. Because fear is what controls you, he comes from a family warriors. A family built on love not blood, and a family that builds him up to be the best man he can be.
But until he becomes that man and even after he has surpassed my expectations. I will still live in fear of what someone else could do to him because they fear his skin, because they are disgusted by his beauty.
So I’m not sorry and I don’t feel sympathy for privileged individuals who now feel the fear that I feel everyday. Savor the bitter taste in your mouth and remember it every time you snub someone of color, or you toss your money on the counter instead of placing it in someone’s hand, or even insensitively down play racism. Remember that fear because a day will come that the tables will turn. These beautiful black children may one day be your oppressors. Beware what you teach your own children at home, it comes out in school and your racism becomes transparent for everyone to see and you’ll wear it like cloak.
My children and there generation will remember because right now they are living the history of tomorrow. I won’t teach my son equality or passivity. He will learn to stand up and speak on what’s right or wrong. He will assert his brilliance and blind you with his ancestry because he has never learned to belittle himself in the presence of pale skin. Or shrink himself down in the presence of “authority” he is the governor of his own body, his own mind, and his own being.
So live in fear and cower at the thought of there greatness.

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I want to have your baby…

Poetry, Uncategorized

How intimate is that phrase?
It’s a phrase usually callously tossed around during less than intimate moments. Nonetheless I would hate for it to lose it’s meaning.
I too have said this exact phrase during intimate, soft spoken, late night conversations. In an act of love not one of lust.
I want to have your baby…
What does it really mean?
It’s the greatest act of love there is… I love you so much, I want to bear your child as well as equal responsibility in the well being of another human being. I love you so much that I would rip apart my body and alter it in ways that I can never repair. I love you so much that I would change my life forever. I have so much love for you that it over flows in my heart and soul and nothing would make me happier than sharing a life and a child with you. There is so much love between the two of us that we must have a family to spread this abundance of love.
Is that what you meant?
Is that vision you had when you whispered that phrase over the darkness of a room, through pants of lust, and beads of sweat.
I didn’t think so. That phrase will be left amongst tousled sheets in the glow of day break as you get dressed to leave someone you may or may not love.
What was my vision as I uttered that phrase during a midnight conversation taking place between two hushed voices as we discussed the rest of our lives. I imagined a family filled with love and building a life. My heart swells with each tender word as I ponder on our life together with children.
My vision and my meaning differ greatly from the visions of others.
And that’s ok I guess. I just want to express the importance of that phrase for me. How meaningful it is for me, and the reality of it all.
You love so much that you want to give me the greatest gift there is and fulfill every little girl fantasy I have.

A little about me!

Uncategorized

My name is Keyanna! I’ll try to keep it to the basics for now, we’ll get into depth later!
I’ve been wanting to start a blog for a while now, mostly for the creative outlet and a little to hone my writing skills. My college English teacher actually gave me the little nudge that I needed to get started, so every once in a while you may see an assignment that I’ve written.
So I’m currently going to school as a pre-nursing major and I’m also a cadet in the ROTC program hoping to commission and join the nurse corps. I work full time, and I’m a mommy. My little boy is the light of my life. I’m almost an all natural mommy. I’m still breastfeeding, making my own baby food, baby led weaning, and co-sleeping.
I’m also in a long distance relationship and we’re hoping to get married at the end of next year. So look forward to lots of wedding plans.
I have a variety of interest, you’ll find me writing about almost anything. I’m a romantic, a fan girl, a mommy, a student, a barista, a daughter, and Christian. Those titles don’t define me though, I’m whoever I choose to be on that specific day.