Struggling with feelings of inadequacy…

Women's Health

Struggling with feelings of inadequacy
I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy for a very long time, at least as far back as my memory goes. It’s a large part of my relationship with my father but its also a driving factor of my amazing work ethic. Because it’s been such a big a part of my life for so long, it easily pours over into my marriage. Since getting married in September it has been a reoccurring problem for me, often times self inflicted, occasionally its onset by an outside force. With Strawberry full moon last night I was really hoping I would gain some clarity and relief from this looming black cloud (it was a Sagittarius full moon in Gemini, my opposing house), I didn’t gain any though and today I feel as consumed as ever by feelings of inadequacy. So at this point what can I do to actually to heal instead of just slapping a band aid on it?
People often think that reciting to yourself that things you do are good enough, or showering yourself with compliments is enough. That’s merely a temporary fix, if it actually does anything at all. I frequently find myself second guessing my skills as a daughter, mother, and wife. My dad and husband are both fans of backhanded compliments so it’s hard to see past the sting of the insult to see the compliment that they attempted to give. Any shot taken at my maternal instincts or wife duties immediately sends me over the edge. So my triggers are OBVIOUS, but how do you make the voices stop and see the true value of the things that you do? As I type I’m currently racking my brain about the quality of my duties as a wife and parent? Did I make the appropriate choices for my family today?
I find my self worth in my job, the services I do, and the amount of money I can make. Simply because it’s something I have direct control over, but when I decided to come here in particular circumstances I put myself in a vulnerable position. I came to El Paso without a job, I was willing to try to step outside my comfort zone for the sake of my marriage and learning to become one with my husband. Never have I made a greater mistake, my confidence plummeted tremendously. Even after I started looking for work it took months before I found something, and my DogVacay business hadn’t developed the clientele that I have now. It was just all a hot mess and a struggle, because I find value in contributing to my home. Even with my business flourishing and finding a job, my confidence has taken a huge hit.
I don’t ever want to give off the feeling that I’m leading a perfect life or attempting to be perfect, I’m not. I’m struggling and this is hard, constantly wondering if you have done all that you can for everyone. Especially when what you do isn’t appreciated and YOU don’t even appreciate your efforts. So for now…. I’m investing my time in service. Which is why I took in a foster dog, I want to use my business to give back to the community. It’s simply something to heal my heart and soul. Writing is definitely therapeutic for me, talking even when you’re not sure anyone is listening. I also have to rebalance myself and find a church family, being in balance spiritually is really important. I guess these all go along with the self care that I talked about in my previous post. When you’re a parent and a wife its easy to let your needs fall to the way side, this is something I need to start paying more attention to. I’m definitely going to write a follow up post maybe a month from now to see if any of these things have helped, and hopefully they can work for some of you guys too because I know I’m not alone in this struggle with inadequacy.


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