Days 33, 34, and 35: Playing catch up!

Sociolgy

So this weekend was rough! I worked 30 plus hours in like two days! I also dog sat this weekend, helping a friend while she was out of town. She’s rehoming him unfortunately, BUT this weekend he will go to another one of my good friends! So everything is ending well!

Sunday you know was Super Bowl Sunday! Congratulations Eagles for winning! I’m not a huge NFL fan, I take part in the festivities for my husbands sake, I’m just here for the half time show. Which is actually what I want to discuss!

I grew up a *NSYNC fan, after Justin went solo I followed like the smitten teen that I was. JT is one of my first childhood crushes. He has disappointed me in the last few years though, it all began with his response to Jessie Williams speech at the BET awards (acknowledging appropriation and extortion of black culture).

And most recently he’s pulled a Miley 🤦🏾‍♀️ after years of making money off black culture and music, he has “returned to his roots”. Which is typical of white artist exploiting black music. We were collectively confused by what his roots were, and proved to be disappointed by his new sound and images of cabins and streams.

Now this super bowl performance was the ideal opportunity to introduce us to said new sound. Unfortunately it was a fail. It was literally JT’s greatest hit plus a 10 second Prince Tribute, and a slap in the face to every black artist he has stepped on to reach this level of success wrapped in a denim suit and redneck camo. The only way he could have redeemed himself is if he had brought out *NSYNC for an impromptu reunion. And yet he still failed.

Justin turned away from the music and culture that has brought him success and fame, then sang all his greatest hits each featuring a black artist (Beyonce, Jay-Z, TI, Pharrell, Timbaland) without acknowledging any of them, then he also performed the exact song that he was performing with Janet Jackson when he exposed her nipple on a National platform. Then allowed her to take the heat with no response.

Black America we’ve been had 🤦🏾‍♀️ AGAIN.

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Day 32

Sociolgy

Everyday that I write, I feel a little closer to my dreams and goals. My due date is right around the corner and my goal is to stay at home after my maternity leave ends and work on my birthing business! By the end of this weekend I will have launched my self hosted blog and social media sites. By day 100 of blogging I will have my birthing business website up. I’ve taken a lot of strides in the last month and although it’s been monotonous at time and I’m not always working on something that I love, I can feel it paying off.

My big boy Micah will be playing soccer this spring and I didn’t have to worry about getting him to practice or games because I’ll already be working from home, which makes me accessible to him and our other children. Which is part of my goal, a more fulfilling career (not a job) and more family time. I’m also looking for a new car 😬 as a mama of three I definitely need more room! I want my new to car to signify this new place I’m in, and where I’m headed.

I’ve also been trying to decide if I’m going to continue my dog sitting, and I will. I’ve developed some amazing relationships with my clients and even if they are the only clients I take right now, that’s fine. I’m still passionate about it, I still love these guys, and I can have a flexible schedule. One particular client just adopted a senior Boston terrier and I know she’ll need some extra help, I’ve already committed to doing that for her because that was such a noble and selfless act.

Today the MRT-TI lactation consultant program application opened up! And I’m so excited 😆 I’m going to spend the next week or so working on it before I send it back. I need two letters of recommendations, and I haven’t quite decided who I should ask. Other than that my application seems as though it’ll be pretty strong. So pray for me and send up some good vibes 😬😬😬 once I get my response from them and the nursing school I’ll update you guys!

Day 31

Sociolgy

We’ve made it through the first month of our new year! So I want to go through a few of my personal achievements and some ways that I’ve been bettering myself and working towards my goals. Also, a quick bumpdate because 34 weeks now!

So this month I’ve had more blog hits than I’ve had in my entire blogging “career”! I’ve surpassed 200, and I’ve had tons of interaction as well (gaining followers/subscribers, likes, comments). I’ve also set up a mailing list for subscribers, it was a pain but super beneficial! I’ve also set up social media pages for my blog, which I will release when I go live with my self hosting. I’ve also gotten a lot of support for my doula training next month! Way more than expected for sure, and it’s definitely helping offset the cost of the training fee. So I appreciate everything that you guys have done to support me on all fronts.

I’ve been working on my business plan for my doula business and the direction in which I want to take my blog. In order to do that I’ve been reading other doula blogs (more seasoned doulas) and that has encouraged me to find a niche to hone in on and build my business around. Last night I actually had a chance to finish typing that up, it seems like a small feat but it’s so important for me to have something in writing to keep me committed. I’ve also checked out websites of different doulas in order to know what kind of services they’re offering and how they’re charging in comparison to the amount of experience they have. I’m using this to determine my own pay scale. In addition to this research I’ve read two of the books from my birth worker reading list, The Kind Mama and Dream Birthing! I’ve been watching/listening to various doula bloggers on YouTube, I’ve made it a habit to do this while preparing for my day or doing homework. I’m hoping to find a podcast I can listen to regularly (let me know if you have suggestions!).

BUMPDATE:

I’m 34 weeks now, yes I’m still pregnant and no I’m not having twins 🤦🏾‍♀️ I’m not that big at all but some people think otherwise. I’ve only told the people I’m close to the sex. We’re in the last days of baby shower planning and I’m not ready at all! I’ll spend this weekend sorting everything out and packing my birthing center bag, which I’ll share with you guys. I feel ok for the most part just a few aches and pains. I’m also spending a lot of time getting ahead on homework so I won’t miss anything while I’m resting with baby. I’ve been doing a good job managing my PPA, with the occasional setback (which is to be expected). I had a rough day today, I’m not sure if it’s because I’m actually exhausted or if it’s because of this freaky full moon in Leo but… I took a four hour nap 😴 and… that’s it for now, I’ll be sure to do a weekly bumpdate every week until I deliver!

Day 30

Sociolgy

I have something in particular weighing pretty heavily on my mind today… I hate the fact that being uncomfortable has become a part of womanhood. I say that because it’s ingrained in us from birth. I can picture so many memories where I was made uncomfortable at the expense of a male figure.

I’ve found myself in increasingly uncomfortable situations throughout this pregnancy (and I’ve noted it as one of my triggers). When I remove myself from the situation or verbally say that I’m uncomfortable or my intuition is telling me that I’m not safe, I’m called self centered, irrational, or just plain ignored. I expressed some bad vibes that I got from someone, and the response was “he’s probably a creepy old man”. But because he was doing what was perceived as a “favor” I had to overlook that.

When you tell a woman that they shouldn’t behave in a way that may seem “rude” to preserve someone else’s feelings you have just removed her armor, and her way of asserting and protecting herself. We already have to be nice and polite to strangers to avoid being assaulted! Why should we be forced to be uncomfortable at home or in the work place at the expense of someone else? Why are we teaching young ladies that you owe someone something because they’ve been nice to you or done something for you? If someone was truly nice enough to do you a favor, then they should be nice enough not to expect anything in return May it be your comfort or your time.

I’ve seen so many women question what we as women in American could have to protest but the lack of bodily autonomy that we receive here should be enough, the fact that being uncomfortable in our own existence alone should be cause for concern. And the fact that we accept any form of abuse as a part of our day to day life should leave you outraged! We know all too well that any experience that isn’t your own is easy to overlook.

Now that I have come to this realization, I know what I need to do differently for my own daughters and nieces. We always listen to intuition and their safety and comfort always trumps someone else’s!

Day 29: Mom Monday

Sociolgy

I have a confession: I LOVE AMERICAN HOUSEWIFE!

My husband is such a sucker for sitcoms and I’ve picked up that love from him. While we were in El Paso we started watching Mike and Molly and I loved Molly’s sister! When I found out the same actress had her own show I started binge watching it immediately! I’ve gotten a little behind on the new season but we’re currently having “boo time” and getting caught up on Hulu.

The lead character is Katie Otto, who moves to Westport Connecticut with her family in order to make sure her youngest Anna Kat could have the best special education teacher around (mom win!). Anna Kat is also her secret favorite child of three children 😉. She has an older teenage daughter and son, struggling to adjust to the woes of adolescence and the climate change of this rich WASP town.

Katie was originally a corporate marketing guru (also a Duke graduate) and decided to be a stay at home after their move and to focus on helping Anna Kat and giving her the attention she needs. Katie finds herself having the same issues as her children, trying to fit in with other suburban moms. She has her cute little crew she meets with for brunch every morning after dropping the kids off at school (my personal dream), and the sweetest husband 😍 (he’s the artsy type to compliment her type A mind). And she dresses just like me, essentially going back and forth between flannels and bohemian tops 😂. AND they have a pet pig!!! This is literally my dream life.

I just love how quirky and cute she is and she embraces her quirkiness, and her love for her babies is so endearing. She would do anything for her babies especially her Anna Kat no matter what sacrifices she has to make, including stepping down from her job and volunteering with the catty women in the PTA.

Day 28

Sociolgy

Today has been a lazy slow day… but I still managed to get a few things done. It was only a few things but they were productive and necessary.

I really just wanted to lay around and enjoy this rainy day, but I started working on my social media pages for my blog and business. Which is another one of those tasks that requires me to just bite the bullet because I don’t really enjoy doing those kinds of things. But I’ve completed my Facebook page and I’ll have my twitter page done tomorrow (fingers crossed).

I also got a leg up on homework for the week, I’m not working quite as many days this week so I’m going to do my best to get ahead on work just in case I go into labor sooner than we anticipate. That way I won’t fall behind during my days of resting with baby. I’m taking my capstone course for my major online and it relates directly to the stage of life that I’m in right now, the assignment that I completed focused on preparing for a job in my field and what that requires of you. One of the steps is getting to know yourself, in my opinion this is the most important step of all. Getting to know yourself and your goals helps you decide what your expectations are and what you want out of a job or company.

Getting to know myself is something I’m working on daily, it shapes my blog and my vision for my business. The more I write, the more my business plan falls together. I’m really excited for the way this is headed and I’m positive it’s going to yield amazing results.

So now that I have social media business pages running, I’m going to channel my focus on transferring my blog over to a self hosted site. I’m hoping to go live this weekend! So stay tuned the next few days!

Day 27

Sociolgy

I was fortunate enough to have today off from both jobs, during the week I’m literally working for the weekend. That keeps me motivated because I know the weekend will be dedicated to family and relaxation.

I spent a large part of my day nesting, so I sorted through the boys old stuff and reorganized their closet space. I picked out things I wanted to keep for new baby and Jojo and made a list of new things I’ll need. We’ll be going spring shopping and baby shopping soon. Anything we chose not to keep we’ll donate. My husband has been doing a lot for me to help offset my anxiety and focus on self care, which I appreciate tremendously! He did essentially everything for the boys and cooked a light lunch and breakfast for dinner.

I completed some discussion boards that I was assigned as homework in my online class (which I absolutely despise) and checked on my nursing school application, although I don’t expect to hear from them for another five to six weeks. And I’ve started prepping for my lactation consultant application which will be open on February 1st. We also finished the first half of our doula training fundraiser,the second half goes live tomorrow! I really appreciate all the help I’ve gotten and it offset my cost significantly!

I’ve also been checking eBay for a new computer so I can blog and interact with you guys more effectively! Hopefully I’ll have a new one in the next few weeks. I’m also planning to work on my office space tomorrow! It’s a part of my nesting, I want to have it completed by the time new baby gets here so I can focus on my actual baby and my business baby as well during maternity leave.

One of my biggest reasons for wanting to work for myself and work from home is because it’s important to be a presence in my families life. With spring being our busiest season as a family that becomes extremely important for us. We have sports starting for Micah, toddler groups for Jojo, and new baby coming in the next few weeks. It’s important for me to have the flexibility to direct adequate attention to all three kids. My husband is also going back to school and possibly starting a new job so he’s helping me provide that flexibility that I need. This is my why, my reason for working so hard and doing this everyday. It keeps me inspired and motivated, even when things aren’t easy.

Day 26

Sociolgy

So I’m getting a late start on my post tonight because I worked at both jobs today. I came home from one job, took a nap, then got up and went to my second job.

I’m still pretty pooped but I’m excited to have the next two days off. I’m gonna do some nesting (cleaning and organizing) and homework. I’ll also get to spend time with my boys too, it’s much needed.

So something kinda special happened today… while I was at work one of our doctors called from another hospital in town and she told me that one of our elderly clients had passed away and she left behind two elderly dogs a dachshund and a Boston. She knows that I love Boston terriers and asked if I could her, unfortunately we can’t afford another dog right now. And if you know my husband you know he’s not letting me bring another dog home anyways!

Even though I would love to have her, I declined. I started thinking and I remembered one of my Rover clients that had been looking for a companion for her Boston Terrier, so I called her. She spoke to her family and they agreed to go meet the dog and I’m confident it was a match made in heaven.

Then I text one of our former receptionist because she has a soft spot for dachshunds and she wanted to take the other dog. No questions asked, she just said yes. She’s literally a saint and I’m so happy to say I even know her.

As unfortunate as it is to know that they lost their owner, I’m so glad that I was able to connect them with new homes, where they would be loved. My heart is swelling with joy.

Day 25

Sociolgy

I would love to be completely transparent in this post but I can’t. Just know that everyday on this journey isn’t spectacular or easy. I’m a quarter of the way through this journey and today was hard.

I’ve been struggling with my anxiety and working on managing it, part of that includes documenting how I feel everyday and what particularly triggers my anxiety. I’ve realized that it’s not just things or situations but people as well. Even people that I’m close to, unfortunately.

One of my biggest triggers has been spending time away from the boys and letting them go places without me. This is closely related to my past and trauma that I’ve experienced. I relayed this particular trigger to my husband and he has put us in a position where he can stay at home with boys during the day, which relieves my anxiety significantly.

I found myself super frustrated with my husband initially because I didn’t think that he really understood what I was going through and it turns out he understands me more than anyone (which should be obvious). He’s just not a talker, he’s a doer. He saw a need and filled it.

Something else that bothered me in particular today… I commented on a Facebook status regarding the Olympic doctor and his sentencing, the original poster was just baffled at how people could be more focused on her “lack” of professionalism and less on his actual transgressions. I laughed it off as something that only occurs in the deep dark depth of Facebook trolls and comments.

Then I started to think back on why I haven’t been completely transparent with the world about the sexual abuse that I have experienced especially as someone who is adamant about defending victims. And it’s because the trolls exist in real life, and in our own families. I have heard the women in my family use the term “fast tailed girl” and discussing “the time and place” in which it’s appropriate to discuss such things, and even excusing the offender for simply being a man. So why would I speak up? Why would anyone?

Those young ladies are a prime example of how women are conditioned to deal with assault and ignore their intuition, then we have to move on and handle shit. It shouldn’t be that way, and it’s not ok.

These kinds of discussions are what stress me out about my children, how can I trust these people to protect my children in my absence when we’re so busy protecting predators? I’ll definitely revisit this tomorrow night… it’s too much for one post.

Day 24: Bumpdate

Sociolgy

So I’m currently 33 weeks and I’m 47 days away from my due date. It’s crunch time for us! I’m preparing for my baby shower and birthing center birth. I’m getting pretty excited 😆

The biggest reason I wanted to do my bumpdate is because I want to get into why I’m choosing a birthing center for baby #3. Especially considering I’ve had two perfectly fine natural hospital births. And that’s what they were “fine”, I have two amazing little boys to show for it. This may or may not be our last baby (I could go for four 😉), so I definitely want my ideal experience.

1. I have pretty uneventful pregnancies, I’m a little sore like anyone else but other than that I typically feel fine. I’m the ideal patient for a birthing center. Previous history of full term, healthy pregnancies (no c-sections or other abdominal surgeries), in my ideal weight range for my height, and previous natural births but with little to no interventions.

2. This is probably my last baby! That’s more than enough reason to have everything and anything I want during this Birth.

3. This particular birthing center has extremely low intervention rates and transfer out rates. In addition to that most transfer outs are non emergent! So the odds of a crazy freak accident are slim.

4. I hate staying in the hospital for days. My last birth had me in the hospital for 2-3 days. I was super exhausted and annoyed with being poked and prodded. Literally. I had a nurse come in and give me the flu vaccine with no warning! I also asked to have my IV removed and she took two days to do it 😒 a birthing center releases you within 4-6 hours! So I can have this amazing birth and go home and comfortably rest.

5. The sweet accommodations! The birthing center is amazing! It has a comfortable homey feel such as queen size beds, spa showers, birthing tubs, a variety of pain management options, and fluffy comfy robes!

6. Fewer interruptions! The Midwives leave you to your own devices unless you ask for help and they trust your instincts. Doesn’t that sound great? Laboring in an intimate setting with your support system and little to no interruptions!

And for those that want to know, I’ll be delivering at Baby and Company in Cary 😍 the Midwives have been great, they do limited labs(only what’s necessary) and very few cervical checks, as well as encourage holistic practices. It’s the perfect setting for a free bird like me and you guys might like it as well! They offer classes and tours all the time so you guys can check it out. They also offer midwifery care outside of prenatal/postpartum care. If you just need well women care, they can do that for you! Here’s the link: http://www.babyandcompany.com/center/cary/