Rest in Power Nipsey Hussle

Yesterday we received tragic news that our own Nipsey Hussle was gunned down in front of his store… We received information about the circumstances and news of his death in real time… we saw live streams of the resuscitation of his lifeless body in REAL TIME. I’m not here to dispute the way he died or why… I don’t subscribe to conspiracy theories nor do I argue with those that do… It’s just not for me.

But yesterday, I felt so rocked by Nipsey’s death that I felt like my heart would beat out of my chest… I felt an immediate urge to disconnect from social media. It was almost like finding out a relative died and then being oversaturated by the news. Everywhere I looked, there was his face… and the videos…. how did we get to a point where we are so numb to violence that we would record someone dying…. with their loved ones screaming in the background…. then to circulate it. Y’all… please… report it every time you see it. We are not giving power to his legacy by reposting that.

Even today after some time… I still feel powerless… and weak. Nipsey’s legacy will live and go on… we will continue to give it life…. but why at the expense of not having Nipsey Hussle at all?

The artists of our time… they don’t get the credit they deserve. They aren’t just untouchable celebrities. They create relationships with all of us, every single one of us. Here I am, STILL mourning over Mac Miller and we lose Nipsey. A major cornerstone of our community whether you ever heard his music or not. We have to keep his legacy alive and keep his vision alive, its a living body of work because of Nipsey, we just have to feed it.

“I spoke some things into existence and they did appear”

Hustle for Hussle Man, let his full life be an inspiration for yours.

Rest in Power Nipsey.

The Power of Manifestation

Last year I learned the power of manifestation. I literally spoke everything I accomplished into existence. It really sounds crazy when you think about it, but our voices and our spirits have legitimate power. We don’t realize how much power we have because we keep speaking negativity over our lives. So although I haven’t been super vocal about my goals this year, I have been spending the last couple of weeks tweaking and narrowing down my goals to create a picture of what I want to manifest for this year.

Its becoming increasingly important not to waste valuable energy on things that aren’t important because although I did everything I set out to do. I realized that those things weren’t significant and they hold no true value for me. So this year I’m practicing being intentional in my manifestation. In addition to that I’m setting them a few at time. So as of now, I have four to set out over the next two to four months.

1. Become a certified teacher through Texas Teacher
2. 700 Credit Score
3. Increase Social Media Presence (business wise)
4. Create Capsule wardrobe

Over the next few days, I’m going to do some deep cleaning and purging. I need to cleanse my space in order to have clarity as I’m manifesting. This particular detail isn’t important to everyone but it is important for me. So I will be donating clothes that the kids and I don’t wear. Getting rid of all old baby gear. Cleaning out closets and tossing out junk and old papers. I can’t have any distractions in my space.

So y’all talk to me, let me know what you’re working on and manifesting these days. What makes you feel powerful? How do you shake back when you feel drained?

Free Game

I know it’s been so… long since I last posted here. I went through a period of low motivation. I accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish in 2018 just to realize, I didn’t want any of it. I was stuck in a cycle of doing things that “seemed” right, and surrounding myself with people that “seemed” like they had my best interest at heart. Those things weren’t genuine, and I found myself in a place where I was silencing my intuition, my voice, and my creativity.

I am no longer in that place, and my fire is blazing again. Part of that fire requires me to call out and point out inequalities, not the ones inflicted on us by outsiders but inequality in our very own community. Specifically the silence that we receive from black men when it comes to our own unique challenges. I’ve talked about this time and time again, maybe most recently about Korryn Gaines. Black women/girls feel as though they have to be perfect victims in order to get support from our male counter parts, but that isn’t a prerequisite we hold them accountable for. Why is it the baseline for us?

When one of our brothers is murdered at the hands of police brutality, we take to the streets and demand justice by night fall. We have a sister die during labor far more often than the latter and there’s crickets. The excuses I’ve heard have been moreso along the lines of “those aren’t day to day conversations” or “that doesn’t affect both parties”. Birth happens everyday, if y’all want to have families birth is required. That’s it, that’s all.

So why am I petitioning for the support of folks that get our unconditional support? We are on the frontlines, organizations and movements literally built on our backs. But y’all cant see the significance of spreading the word about the importance of birth work in the black community.

Not only that but in exchange for your support you want intellectual labor. I have to provide you with references, articles, discussions, etc…. my intellectual labor is not free! My degree, my training, and my research were not free! So why storm in, minimize the experiences of black women, then add insult to injury by demanding that I also do the leg work.

This sounds a lot like white folks storming into conversations about racism and yelling “THATS NOT TRUE, WHERE’S THE PROOF!”. We all know that they don’t really care, so why would you waste time creating a bibliography for someone that doesn’t care about your plight. We all know the response is, “well what do you want us to do?”. Well damn I did the hard part! Is it too much to ask for you to figure that part out on your own?

Last but not least, the respectability politics. True allies are not waiting for a sugar coated message. If you’re truly about helping the cause, the presentation doesn’t matter. You’re hurt feelings don’t matter nearly as much as these black women literally dying while giving birth to an entire generation.

We have learned, that we are all we got. Black women must be prepared to protect other black women. We’re ok with that, but don’t get it confused with man hating. We’re simply pointing out the flaw in the system. We’re willing to go to war for you, but we’ll settle for a retweet or a repost in exchange. We all know reciprocity is entirely too much to ask though. So in 2019, I’m all about my sisters. I don’t have the energy to elicit help nor to do work for anyone that won’t reciprocate. That’s it, that’s all ✌🏾

Social Media Fast Day 1

The average person uses 1 hour and 40 minutes on social media a day. And 5 years in a lifetime. I’m sure I’m an excessive user of social media, so I definitely exceed these numbers and not to mention the time spent on Pokémon Go!

What could you accomplish in your day without the distractions of social media? I’m going to spend the next week finding out. I’ve been completely drained by social media and the accessibility I give people to contact me throughout the day, and I’ve set no boundaries! Social media plays a huge part in this feeling of being “technologically touched out”.

I can also feel a shift in the universe around me and there are a few things that deserve my undivided attention in order to blossom and grow. Major shifts are happening and I need to disconnect in order to truly benefit.

So for the next seven days, I have deleted my Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, and instagram apps. All my business post have been prescheduled and all my business inquiries have been forwarded to my email. Checking and sending emails have been designated to certain times/places and only from my lap top. Any marketing that I do during this time will be strictly by paper, meaning business cards and flyers! This will require me to hit the pavement.

Right now I’m feeling a little anxious and suffering from a little FOMO (fear of missing out) but I know this time will be beneficial!

Graduation: The biggest mistake I ever made.

So a lot of you guys know I’m graduating this weekend… and it’s a long time coming. I’ve worked very hard for this, and I will more than like cry after I receive my diploma.

My friends and family have been so encouraging and they have pushed me to this point. They knew what I was capable of and never doubted me. But there are people that did, some people told me that I would never make it. Micah’s (my oldest son) sperm donor told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life by having him, and three months later when I decided not to go back to the army because I was going to school he told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life again.

That stuck with me through this whole journey. He thought this child would ruin my life, then he asked me give him custody so that I would go back to active duty army. NO, just flat out no. How did it make sense to give my child to someone that made it clear they didn’t want him? So I decided to stay at home with my support system and go back to school.

I kept the same mindset that I had throughout basic training, everyday that I went to school was a step closer to my goals. I didn’t always want to go or do homework, but I kept going because failing was not an option. Micah didn’t ruin my life, he gave me life! Micah is the reason I have accomplished all of this.

My friends and family encouraged me and boosted me up but “this is the biggest mistake of your life” that’s what got me through. I had to prove that none of this was a mistake. Micah’s name means prophet, and his birth was like divine intervention. He interrupted my life and gave me a new life, every step I have taken has been me stepping out on faith. I couldn’t fail (no matter what I was told) because God ordered my steps.

The last few weeks I’ve heard people say that they’ve seen my hard work and I inspire them. That’s the craziest thing to me because it was never my intention and you never really know who’s watching you. If you’ve been watching and you’re in similar situation or you’re doubting yourself, follow your instincts and boss up. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says, what’s meant for you cannot be stopped by man.

Graduation Fundraiser!

Hey guys so I’ll be crowdsourcing in order to buy a new computer after graduation! My MacBook has been well loved over the last ten years and now it’s time for an upgrade to go through this next stage of life! It’s key to running my business and continuing my education. So if you were curious on what to get, a contribution would be awesome 😍

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#tobeapartner

So as a barista I’ve struggled quite a bit with the Starbucks incident in Philadelphia… because it’s hard to be disappointed by something/someone you care about. I’ve been with the company for four years now and I genuinely love the company and culture, and I’ve tried to justify the incident by saying that it’s an isolated event and it couldn’t possibly happen at my store because WE aren’t like that. But sadly we’re just one overzealous partner away from an incident.

I’ve been on the shift where snide comments were made about customers that were different. I’ve felt uncomfortable when my coworkers said customers were ghetto. And I’ve silently suffered through a day where I was already emotional wreck from the latest shooting, then to standby while our shift on duty had the police escort a homeless black person from our store.

All these transgressions big and small build up, you keep sweeping them under the rug and over look them until the mound is too big for you to ignore. I remember when starbucks had a campaign to spark conversations about race, every white person in my store decided not to participate, therefore nobody took part. So as ahead of the curve starbucks pretends to be, we are still very much behind.

And this incident reminded black baristas everywhere that the company we love doesn’t always love us. They only tolerate us because we’re the right kind of black.

One night I had a classmate from high school come in, he was dressed like a small town A$AP Rocky. Gold rings on every finger, a gold chain around his neck, and a grill in his mouth. Before I could even speak to him, I could hear my coworkers laughing over the headset. Calling him ghetto and a drug dealer, saying he even drove a drug dealer car (an impala). My face got hot with embarrassment, because I knew what they were implying. But I didn’t say anything, I was just silently hurt, and when he spoke to me I felt even more embarrassed about not checking them. Then the killer, my husband picked me up later in his Impala.

So all it really takes is one person to reveal the micro aggressions and even blatant racism present in your workplace. This incident revealed what I already knew about a company that I love. That’s why I’ve struggled with this, that’s why I’ve made excuses, and tried to explain how we’re different.

But we’re not unfortunately. So I fully support your boycott, I want you to come sit in my lobby and if you are asked to leave, I will gladly take my apron off and leave with you. Because I don’t want to work for a company that doesn’t want to grow and change.

Day 57

It’s Sunday and I’m exhausted, like every other weekend 🤦🏾‍♀️ I spent Friday and Saturday in a doula workshop that I really enjoyed and benefited from, although I struggled in some areas.

So we all introduced ourselves on Friday morning, a lot of the ladies already knew each other and everyone expressed what brought them there and initially I felt like my answer and intro seemed a little dry and didn’t really do any true justice to why I was there. Definitely not a reflection of my personality 😂 but nonetheless I’m still passionate about my goal which is providing adequate prenatal care to women of color as well as those affected by trauma and making bodily autonomy and respect the baseline of maternal healthcare.

So after that we did what I consider the lecture portion, ironically this is always my favorite part because I love note taking and soaking up knowledge. There were a lot of things that I knew but so much more that I took away from it. Afterwards we talked about our personal birth stories and opened with one another, and for someone like me (I have an analytical mind but I’m also highly sensitive) I was overwhelmed by this wave of emotion and feminine energy! I found myself really doubting my abilities to emotionally support another women and what I could bring to this field. So when I got home I was emotionally exhausted and I had to decompress and really sort through all my feeling before I could go back for part two. I realized that we ALL brought various talents and abilities to the table and there was something about me that allowed me to be in that space at all.

On Saturday I went back for part two where I found myself far more transparent than I had been the day before and everyone was super receptive. I also learned that I wasn’t the only person that had those feelings or doubts. We also got more into the clinical side of things (more notes and lectures 😊) and we did some hands on stuff. We really focused on our roles as doulas and I could start to see how I fit into the bigger picture. What I was lacking in emotional skills I definitely made up for in knowledge. Opening up and being transparent seemed like it was even more exhausting than being overwhelmed with the emotions of others because when I got home later I crashed for hours 😩😩😩 luckily my husband picked up dinner and let me nap.

But I took so much away from the training, and I hope that I was able to leave some things behind for someone else. And I want to continue to build on these relationships and get to know the women I spent the weekend with because they were all truly amazing. That workshop wasn’t the end of our road together we still have so much to do before we are certified doulas and we are working together to meet these milestones and get to this certification.

Look forward to our next step in this process, we will soon have another fundraiser opportunity so if you wanted to give before you will have another chance for sure!

Day 53: getting caught up!

So I know it’s been nearly a week since I last blogged. We had an extremely busy week with Valentine’s Day, the Black Panther premier, my baby shower, and a trip to the hospital. There has literally been something going on everyday, and it’s been tough maintaining. So for this post I just want to touch bases with you guys, let you know what’s been going on and what’s coming up.

So for Valentine’s Day we spent the day as a family and did some shopping then had lunch at Joes Crab Shack. I was disappointed when I found out they no longer have the Orleans steam pot 😩 which is part of my little pregnancy tradition. Once I start getting close to the end, I’ll have crawfish with extra old bay! I like to think it encourages labor, but who really knows 🤷🏾‍♀️.

The next day we went on a double date with our besties and saw Black Panther! Which was amazing and I have a response piece written about it! With everything going on and our political climate we were kind of on edge going to see it on opening night. After we purchased our tickets a guy actually came in wearing a fanny pack, a backpack, and a bandanna, we were pretty clearly disturbed by this and none of the staff said anything unfortunately. So it was a little hard to really enjoy the movie while being on edge like that. And it’s awful that you have to worry about those kinds of things when you’re just trying to enjoy yourself with your family.

The next day (Friday) I woke up at almost 7am to some pretty nasty contractions (36 weeks at this point), I took some Tylenol and tried to sleep through it but I found myself awake every thirty minutes or so. After a while I just got up and told my husband we needed to go to the birthing center. So I took a shower and tried to eat but I was just too uncomfortable. When we left for the birthing center my contractions were five minutes apart and about a minute long. After being checked by the midwife on call she said I was about two centimeters dilated but not effaced at all and baby wasn’t quite in my pelvis yet. So clearly I wasn’t ready to deliver, she started me on fluids and called another midwife at WakeMed who suggested I come over for monitoring. Once there they started me on two more bags of fluids and encouraged me to eat so my husband went out and got lunch/dinner. My contractions started to slow down shortly after and I was checked again. The midwife told me I was 4cm dilated but I could stay that way for weeks because baby wasn’t engaged. So she gave me a shot to slow down the contractions (because I couldn’t imagine feeling this way for weeks) and I finished up the last of my fluids. We discussed nutrition and hydration, areas where I had been clearly lacking because I wasn’t taking care of myself like I should have been especially with the busy week that I had.

So long story short I’ve been resting since then, which also accounts for the lack of post. I’ve been working on eating regularly (three meals and two snacks) and hydrating thoroughly.

Saturday I tried to rest as much as possible, and I didn’t do any driving or running around. I had some family and friends arrive from out of town, and my best friend helped me do the remaining things on my to do list.

Sunday was the day of my shower and it started off with a mental breakdown 🤦🏾‍♀️ which is in my nature. And it ended up being amazing, I love being surrounded by love and my loved ones and it makes me feel amazing to shower the new baby in all this love and support.

I went back to work on Monday and it was tough but I made it through. I’m committed to working until the end because I’m a believer in staying active May that be at work everyday or exercising. I also lost my mucus plug on Monday, I know that TMI (sorry 🤷🏾‍♀️) so that means that labor is on the horizon. It’s probably not as soon as I would prefer, but in its own time. We also saw Black Panther for the second time that night! We really wanted to take the kids and my cousin hadn’t seen it yet. I enjoyed it even more the second time especially knowing the boys enjoyed it. My oldest is obsessed now and my youngest enjoyed the music (I’m sure he danced the whole time).

The last two days have been relatively uneventful, I’ve just been resting and getting ahead on school work. I’ve also done some batch work for the next 5-6 days, meaning it’s impossible to get behind on posting daily. So consider this an update on everything going on with me 😊 and look forward to lots of quality work the next few days!

Oh I’m also starting my doula training tomorrow! I’m so excited for this new journey in my life and the next step in jump starting my birthing business. I’ll keep you guys posted on how things go and what I take away from the training. I’ve also picked up some other topics and demographics that I want to focus on in my business, which I’ll be sure to discuss with you guys.

Days 44 & 45: The Mammy Role

Stereotypes are something we frequently discuss in my sociology courses (especially when discussing gender and race). In the black community there are two particular roles that we see pretty frequently, they may seem a bit outdated but they are still present today even if they’re veiled. One being “the Jezabelle” or a promiscuous woman who frequently uses sex to get her way. This is a stereotypes formed as a result of being the masters concubine, and sexually assaulted as a result of the lack of bodily autonomy granted to black folks.

The second stereotype is “The Mammy” typically depicted as an overweight and unattractive matriarch. It’s her job to care for the masters family, this means physically and emotionally. Not only does she cook and clean but she bears the emotional baggage of the family. These stereotypes are dangerous because other races actually begin the perceive us as either hyper sexual animalistic individuals or maternal care takers willing to bare the weight of their emotional baggage.

As a result of these countless conversations I’ve noticed that these stereotypes although very dated are still ever present. One of my favorite writers and producers Shonda Rhimes has committed this very crime. Whether it’s a conscious decision I’m unsure 🤷🏾‍♀️ because one of my favorite things about her is that she does “blind casting” meaning she cast her characters without having a particular race in mind and hires the actor that does the best job. This is a great way to avoid the cycle of stereotyping in the media. But I’ve noticed several stereotypes on her shows, such blatant stereotyping that it’s hard to overlook.

For example the Jezabelle: Olivia Pope and Annalise Keating. I know, you want to burn me at the stake for this level of blasphemy and I want you to know that I love them too! But she consistently exploits their sexuality as if they have zero control over it! Feeding into the hyper sexuality of black women (and the exploitation of that at the hands of white men).

And the most problematic of them all: Miranda Bailey as the Mammy. This one truly breaks my heart to say, and I didn’t notice until after I had watch the show in its entirety several times! Bailey frequently comes to the rescue of the interns, cleaning up their messes (some legal matters), and coddling them and their emotions (even with the thin veiled attempt at tough love). Mom black people will see zero issue in this because they frequently turn to black women for the sister girl advice and sympathy while they emotionally dump all over them and believe that it’s been reciprocated. Shonda even played Bailey with the “Im and independent woman, I don’t need a man” bit. I really love Bailey and I can relate to her! But the reasons why are severely problematic! I let people emotionally dump on me, especially white women. I don’t always get the credit I deserve and I chalk it up as needing to work harder. I take care of everyone!!!! How can you truly be the best when you are busy catering to everyone and loving/supporting everyone, and not given consistent character development 😐. We have done Bailey an injustice.

And I know y’all hate me now, that’s ok 🤷🏾‍♀️ I’m mad at myself too because I love all these women (fictional and real). But we have to acknowledge the disservice that we do one another when feeding into these stereotypes and recreating them. We are forcing ourselves into a box of limited roles on the big screen and in real life. We definitely need to stop feeding into these roles when we know that’s what people think of us. We are justifying this physical and emotional abuse, and it’s not ok. There’s so much more to who we are and what we are capable of. We deserve character development.